Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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