I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize