Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

My room smells like vodka and shame

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(301): View more from Maryland

so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar

(651): View more from Minnesota

If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either

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(212): View more from New York

Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"

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(970): View more from Colorado

He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys

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(940): View more from Texas

Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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(480): View more from Arizona

I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before

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(630): View more from Illinois

Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.

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