At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm too high and old for this...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
