it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
