Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
