You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
