I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
we're so committed to being not committed
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
