My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
