i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
