I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
