Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
