So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
