The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize