he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
