Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
