yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
