I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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