Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
