the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
