$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i dont even know how to be here
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
