You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
