I got chris browned last night
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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