covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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