My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He did a backflip because drugs
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