you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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