Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
