if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
