is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
