I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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