I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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