ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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