Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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