My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
