is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
