Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Ladies don't puke and tell
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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