last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
