Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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