Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
