2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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