We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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