Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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