Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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