he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
