eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
