Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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