Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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