I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
