yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
