three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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