recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
