Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize