You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
