how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she peed on how many people?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
