I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
