that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
