Plan B is the new Plan A
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
