im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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