I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
